Deer in headlights
by gracessecret
Summary: Sakura and Sasuke haven't seen each other in a while and have both gone through some changes. How will now independent Sakura deal with her feelings for Sasuke when he surprises everyone by showing up at a tournament in Kirigakure. The story contains mature content. Also, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on the story, so please leave a comment, thank you!
1. Because of you

This is kind of what might have happened after the war, actually after Naruto the last movie. I known I have some irregularities here-like Naruto being the Hokage so early- but it's the way I imagined the story and prefer it this way! Anyway, pleeeease please review, it would really mean A LOT.

I tried to have as little grammar mistakes as possible, But I apologize if you find any.

There will be one other chapter in a few weeks time, also longish-bout 8000 words- and that's it.

I hope you enjoy, it was really fun writing this. :)

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DEER IN HEADLIGHTS

It was dark and cold when I came here at the arranged meeting spot. This forest always crept me out. Yes, I am a shinobi, but I've always been afraid of the supernatural, and seeing this dark, evergreen forest surrounded by mist made the hairs at the base of my neck erect. Surly Kakashi wouldn't be that late again, I was waiting here for an hour, although the daylight was creeping in, so it wasn't as bad. He said we haven't got much time left until the tournament, and I really had to work on my ninjutsu and genjutsu.

I waited another hour and a half before he had the decency to show up, saying how he was sorry while scratching the back of his neck and smiling apologetically.

„We are getting started right away, Sakura. I'm sure you know Naruto won't be coming today. Tsunade really isn't lenient towards the new Hokage.."

„Sure, sensei. I figured as much. I know you are here only because you are sick of that office"

He grinned in response, meaning I guessed right about him being irresponsible enough to leave Naruto to his own devices. I always thought he wasn't made for the position of the Hokage- sure, he was powerful, but I also know he hated the job. A Hokage should be a calling, a goal in life-like it is for Naruto- not a job you take simply because it is expected of you. Anyway, Naruto was the expected heir of the title, and Kakashi was only too glad to pass it on to his favorite pupil.

„We should work on your genjutsu, Sakura. Your chakra control is perfect, but your mastery of jutsu is not. You've got the summoning jutsu down, but I want to see your other skills, and since genjutsu was always your strong suit, let's start on improving that."

Well, that's all true, but still, I do kind of suck at genjutsu. I can easily detect any form of genjutsu though seeing as my chakra flow is sensitive to it, and any disturbance of it will trigger a series of tell-tale signs such as tightness of the chest and rapid heart beat. I kind of designed for my chakra network to work in such a way so even if the caster wants to prevent me from finding out if I'm under genjutsu, my body will always sense it.

Kakashi revealed his left, red eye. I was staring, I knew, but I couldn't look away-his sharingan always evoked unwanted memories of Sasuke. I haven't been thinking about him that much lately. He came home 2 years after leaving the village for the second time in order to find himself or whatever he was doing. It felt good seeing him, and I thought he wanted to upgrade our relationship to another level, but during a walk that led to a certain bench where he left me unconscious years ago, he confessed he is still very confused and I should move on, because chances are he will never again return after leaving. I was heartbroken, but it made me stronger. I did move on eventually and pushed the thoughts of him in the back of my mind in the process, but never truly forgot him.

Kakashi must have sensed my thoughts, and in an attempt to distract me, launched at me. I easily dodged his fist by leaping in the air, pumping my fist full of chakra and, using a tree branch as a lever, threw myself at him.

The ground split in two. I did not mean to use such a force, but I guess my feelings got the better of me, and in that punch was more than my chakra.

„Good. Now let's try this."

He was in front of me in less than a millisecond! Kakashi's speed never ceased to amaze me. I felt my chakra being distorted and immediately knew I was pulled into a genjutsu...

Kakashi had no mercy, and in the next few hours, I've spent more time in the genjutsu world than reality.

I was beat and could only go home after that. Getting to my apartment was a challenge indeed. My muscles burned and I had to climb over hundred steps to get to my entrance. Upon entering my living-room, I headed straight for the shower seeing as I was both smelly and sticky – the ever present aftermath of rigorous training. Having long showers always makes me think and I must admit I've made some of the most important decisions while soaking in hot water, one of those being that I will never ever fall for Sasuke Uchiha again.

We trained every day after that, each time pushing the limits of my ability to the maximum until one day Kakashi told me he was satisfied- I was ready.

A few days after our final training session, it was time to begin our travel to Kirigakure where the tournament would be held. Not all of the rookie nine were competing, of course, only the strongest shinobi went. I must say I was very surprised when asked to participate. You see, the tournament was a fresh thing. At one of many five kage summits, a fight broke out between Tsuchikage and Raikage, and in order to prevent future conflicts, Kakashi, then the Hokage, suggested such tournaments would be held once a year in order to somehow remind all of the kage that every nation had extremely strong and capable shinobi, and going to war would unnecessarily endanger their lives, but I just think it turned out to be a „mine's bigger" kind of competition. Anyway, I've been invited along with Naruto-who won't be participating for obvious reasons, only going there diplomatically, Shikamaru, Chouji and a bunch of older very proficient ANBU. Hinata had been invited, but as it turns out, she is pregnant. It's only one month, but the competition is rigorous and I advised her not to go to compete, but to go none the less, for the sake of my company- and Naruto's of course.

The journey wasn't long, but I still slept for hours upon arrival. After that I met with Hinata and Naruto for dinner. We had ramen-but it, of course, wasn't Ichiraku, so Naruto spent most of the night sulking while Hinata and I talked baby names. After an hour, Naruto went to meet Chouji and Shikamaru, and Hinata and I were left alone.

„You know, Sakura, Naruto got a letter from Sasuke-kun."

My heart started pounding immediately. I waited to hear from him for such a long time, and now that I had the opportunity to find out what he was up to, I no longer wanted to know.

„It's okay Hinata, I don't wanna know, really."

She looked at me with pity, something everyone had a habit of doing while discussing Sasuke with me. I hated it more than anything.

„Don't look at me like I'm a wounded puppy. I told you, he's dead to me. Not by my own choice, but I guess it has to be this way."

„I know, I'm sorry. Won't mention it again!"

„It's okay, I just hate seeing pity in someones eyes. I like to believe I'm self-sufficient enough to make it without Sasuke, or any man for that matter."

„So, you never plan on marrying? Having a family?"

I thought about it and just couldn't see it happening. It's not that I didn't want kids or husband, but I had the worst luck when it came to men. I went on dates, some of which more successful than others- some even resulting in sex afterwards, but never have I felt that spark. Forcing things wasn't going to help me find happiness.

„We'll see."

We chit chatted for half an hour or so after that before parting ways and going to our rooms.

After I had gone to bed, I got a bit anxious because of tomorrow. I guess I've always felt weak, and I knew I was in a way. I had monstrous strength, perfect chakra control, a jutsu which automatically regenerated my body upon being hurt- and confidence of a mouse. Always being the weak link has left its mark on me, and it was hard to convince myself I was good enough. I remembered Sasuke calling me annoying and weak, and it almost drew tears to my eyes,but I managed to stop myself from my usual self-pity cries, deciding it just wasn't an option anymore. I learned I had no self-respect and that was my first priority after Sasuke left-to work on myself. It took a while but I am now more content with myself.

With that thought, I fell asleep.

First day of the tournament went by pretty fast. I entered one fight and won, though I almost had to use my 100's healing mark, but in the end there was no need for it, which I find success since I started relying too much upon it. Nevertheless, it was a victory and my confidence was sky-high.

After all of that we went to get a drink. Even though most of our friends weren't in the contest, they came as a support to us. Two hours into the night, we were cracking jokes and started playing a drinking game. After everyone was sloshed and had their fill, we just talked and teased Kiba and Lee for not being invited to participate- right about then Naruto paled looking behind my shoulder and yelled-

"Sasuke! Teme!"

Everyone started clapping and cheering, and I couldn't will myself to turn around. At first I felt happy-it's been so long since I've seen him, but then I started panicking. I didn't want to see him now! I didn't want him to see me right now! I was dirty and sweaty after my fight and was feeling more self-conscious than ever. My curiosity got the better of me and I turned around. Naruto was hugging him and everyone else was clearly very happy to see him. You might think everyone would hate him after he joined Orochimaru and eventually Akatsuki, but after they all found out he was responsible for dispelling the infinite tsukuyomi, he kind of grew on them.

I had no intention of communicating with him, but then he looked me straight in the eyes and I knew I have broken the promise I made to myself, the one where I swore I would never fall for him again.

I didn't think it was possible for him to become even more handsome than he was, but it happened. His spiky hair kind of started drooping rounding his face, covering his rinnegan eye. I couldn't help noticing how his jaw became wider, lips plumper and his cheekbones were to die for. He had the stoic expression, but never looked away while I was staring at his masculine features. I must have been blushing because I saw his trademark smirk starting to appear. I turned around and quickly checked my lips using my hand to see if I was drooling- I wasn't. Thank god.

Everyone's came back to their table, and Sasuke seated himself next to Naruto, not paying attention to me. I was glad for that, really. After some time, we began drinking again, and Sasuke was too far away from me to be a distraction, so I started to chit chat with my girls- Ino, Tenten, Temari and Hinata. It was almost midnight when I decided to leave.

„I'll be going now guys, I have an another match tomorrow, gotta get that beauty sle-„

„You are in the tournament? You?"

Sasukes non-rinnegan eye widened in utter shock. I was so hurt and humiliated I just stared at him for a minute. He really was an asshole. I could feel everyone looking at their cups or the floor, anywhere but us, when Naruto broke the silence:

„You are an idiot, you know that? How can you say-„

„It's fine, Naruto. Sasuke hasn't been around, he doesn't know what I'm capable of. But yes, you are an idiot."

And with that I just left. I didn't know what else to say.

I hurried to my room so I can get a nice, hot, long shower.I just wanted to wash away the day. Water did sooth me, and it also calmed my nerves. To distract myself from thinking about Sasuke's hurtful words, I instead started thinking about his appearance. I found him very attractive. It's something about his nonchalance and broody attitude that really appeals to me. He has that dark aura around him that takes my mind to levels full of carnal content fueled by my wild imagination. I thought how it would be to have his lips on my neck and my breasts, and automatically started touching myself. I didn't masturbate very often because I don't like how dirty it makes me feel afterwards, but tonight I just couldn't help myself- so in order to rid myself of some tension, my hand started rubbing my clitoris. It took me some time, but thoughts of Sasuke, though unwanted in my mind, really sped up the process.

To my extreme dissatisfaction, I found the door of my bathroom opened to my room. I hoped no one heard my moans..

The next day went by as smoothly as the previous one- another victory in my hands. Today I had to use my 100's healing mark, and I actually did get some more serious bruises, but instead of healing them myself, I decided to skip the bar and go home and prepare myself an herbal blend which helps in tissue growth and in healing of wounds. I bought the herbs and went back to my room, only to find him standing there in the middle. Like a retarded schoolgirl, I dropped my bag and the herbs spilled all over the floor. Nor Sasuke nor I reacted to the scattered herbs.

„You didn't come to the bar tonight, Sakura."

For some reason, him saying my name made me think of my shower from yesterday.

„I had kind of a rough day, so I thought I'd make myself a healing ointment."

„I know. I saw."

„You watched my match?"

He only nodded in response.

I came in and closed the door.

„Do you want anything to drink.. Or eat..? Do you want to sit?"

I knew he knew I was nervous. I was also hot and red. I couldn't see myself, but I knew I was.

He said no to food and drink, but he sat in an armchair situated at the back of the room. The silence was too much, so I started collecting my herbs from the floor. He only sat there looking at me. If he had any idea what that made me feel, I'm certain it would make that unemotional mask he calls face blush a deep shade of red. When I was done with picking my herbs up, I was also done waiting.

„Was there something you wanted from me?"

„Always so impatient."

I should have known the moment I entered the room. It was apparent from the way he looked at me, said my name and the way his eyes were pitch black, not the usual dark grey. He came to have sex with me.

After I finally understood what he wanted, he stood up.

„Take off your clothes, Sakura."

It seems stupid now, but I did it the same second he commanded me to. He then came close and started to undress himself. I soon came to his aid, and before I knew it, we were both naked and in the shower. It was all happening so fast. A day ago I thought I would never see him again, and now, we were naked , about to have sex. I started to have second thoughts, but when the water hit me, I knew.

„Get out, Sasuke. I can't. I won't."

...

„Fine."

He went out and I slumped to the floor. I tried replaying everything in my head, but my mind was blank. I wondered if I'm going to regret this decision until the rest of my life

I didn't sleep at all last night and it showed- my under eye area was baggy and purple-ish, but I was determined to win another victory today. All my determination wasn't of any use because that day was not going well at all-unfortunately, I lost my ID photo badge which prevented me from formally registering for that day's fight and I now owned everything to Naruto for pulling some strings to get me in. The program which paired fighters was based on random selection, so I could have ended up with some sickeningly strong contestant, but the luck was on my side, so I didn't- that is, until today.

The amount of shock I was feeling after seeing my name next to Sasuke's made my knees falter and my heart rate go off the charts. I tried to find those devilish, red eyes somewhere around me, but I couldn't. The whole arena was clapping and it made me disoriented. Our names were called once more, so when I realized I had no choice, I jumped in the centre of the arena and waited for him. My shock slowly started turning into anger. I didn't even know he was invited. And also, I had a feeling it was rigged. All of the true elites, about 10 of them, were only fighting amongst themselves. I knew I wasn't an elite, and Sasuke, being the second strongest ninja in the world- after Naruto- sure was.

They now called only Sasuke's name, and for some time, he didn't show and I thought he might not, hoped he might not, but soon enough, he teleported himself in front of me on the battlefield, all smug and mighty.

„Ladies and gentlemen, Uchiha Sasuke, the lone survivor and the head of one of the most powerful clans in shinobi world, master of both sharingan and rinnegan, and The Fourth Shinobi World War hero will go up against Haruno Sakura, one of the most renowned medical ninjas in the world, master od 100's healing mark, and a protegee of none other than Tsunade , the fifth Hokage. As I understand, they used to be teammates as genin, and now, they will fight one another to prove their worth in front of our lordships, the feudal lords, the five kage and of course the rest of the respectable audience."

After that I could hear only loud cheering and Naruto yelling 'Finish the bastard, Sakura', which was a little weird seeing as kage don't chant-ever. When I was done taking in my surroundings, I looked at Sasuke.

„You did this, didn't you."

„You said I wasn't around to see the extent of your abilities, so I thought I'd change that."

„You just want to embarrass me in front of thousands of people, feudal lords, kages... my friends! Do I mean so little to you?"

I was flustered and hurt. I couldn't believe he would do this. He was several leagues above me and he knew that. If he wanted to, he could finish me off during the first thirty seconds of our match.

„Do you have so little self respect and confidence in your abilities to say such things? I thought it would honor you. I want to fight you. I've seen you the other day, I've seen what you can do. Now I want to push your limits so you can see what you can do."

I was left speechless. I would never see it that way if he hadn't told me, and frankly, I felt like a fool. I didn't know what to say, so I just simply nodded.

Before we knew it, the horn sounded. The match had begun.

„I won't go easy on you, Sakura. You have to want to kill me to have any chance of getting to me. I'll leave Susanoo out of the fight. If you see me using it, count it as a personal victory. Go ahead. I'm waiting."

He curled his upper lip into a smirk, and I thought about what to do. First is defence, so I activated my mitotic regeneration jutsu and pumped my fists full of chakra- and then I launched at him.

At first, he had no problem dodging my attacks. I used my fist, and he his katana. He was very fast and I could barely avoid his offenses, but then I didn't.

I let his blade go straight through my abdomen. He stood in front of me shell shocked at what I did. His state didn't last more than 2 seconds, but I noticed how he hesitated to retrieve his blade, so I shot my fist at his face, which he dodged, of course. I pulled his katana out from me, slowly and agonizingly. I could sense his discomfort. He wasn't prepared for this and I wanted to use that to my advantage, so I thought I'd try a low class genjutsu, a one that Kakashi told me won't register with a Sharingan wielder. I threw his katana at him high in the air, and while he looked up, I managed to do my signs. The genjutsu would make him feel sick, as if he would throw up, but checking his chakra network won't tell him there is a genjutsu placed on him.

We went on with our fight, and I could see the color draining from his face. He was becoming slower and sloppy. This was it. I readied my fist and punched the ground underneath him. While the terrain split, he leapt into the air not registering I had made a shadow clone to stand on the ground in my stead while I snuck up behind him. Just as I was about to jump, I felt a kunai at the base of my throat and a body pressing close to my own.

„Genjutsu. A clever one at that. The problem is, I also have a rinnegan. And nothing escapes rinnegan. Not your hand signs, not your clone, not even the lacy black underwear you are currently wearing."

He knew how to get to me, that was for sure. But I wouldn't let his sly comments be a distraction.

I felt him tense as soon as thousands of cherry blossoms erupted from my body, slowly disintegrating me, and I was no longer next to him. The new jutsu I picked up from Ino's aunt is perfect for an escape-it's fast and it surprises the opponent. I materialized and decided to push him as far as he went. I started hitting the ground and then picking up the shattered pieces and throwing them at him. He was fast, but so was I. I punched and I threw like a maniac, so he simoultaineously had to leap and dodge, which was hard, even for him. And then, a perfect situation occured. I threw a 500 pound rock at him while the ground collapsed in on itself and he had to move in front of the rock- and that's when it happened. Hand of a purple Susanoo grabbed the rock and smashed it into dust.

I saw anger in his features, but also a hint of pride.

„Sakura, you really amaze me."

It was the best compliment I could have gotten. I felt honoured. But then, it all came to a stop when he used his rinnegan to teleport behind me, using his Susanoo to take hold of me.

„You might be strong, but you can't beat Susanoo."

And normally I might have proven him wrong, but today, I was too exhausted to even try.

„I forfeit. You win."

„Congratulations, Sakura."

And that's when I heard everyone chanting my name. Apparently no one thought I would last more than five seconds in the ring with him. But then again, neither did I.

„Thank you for doing this. Really."

And I truly meant what I said.

He let the Susanoo recede, and just as I was about to fall, he teleported next to me and lifted me in his arms, and then again, using his teleportation, he brought me to the medics. I passed out with a smile on my face.

This night, I decided to go out, so I went home and had a shower. During the shower, I again started thinking about Sasuke and touching myself, but decided against it. I need to stop that.

Ino called me saying the girls will probably wear dresses and heels, as they planned on going out after the drinks, so I rummaged through my closet and found a simple black dress that came just above the knee and was quite tight fitting. It might be a little too much, but I don't care. Besides, I won't be so noticeable when Ino and Hinata show the enviable cleavage. Well, at least Ino will.

I didn't know what to do with my hair, so I just put a pin in it and combed it. I did a minimum makeup and a lot of perfume. When my stilettos were on, I looked in the mirror and was generaly pleased with what I saw.

We were in the exact same spot few nights ago when Sasuke appeared. I was as always late, but was happy to see that a seat next to Ino wasn't taken, so I said hi to everyone and sat there.

Sasuke was sitting opposite to me and stared silently while I talked to people around me.

Soon after, we began drinking, and as drunker I got, the more I stared back at Sasuke. He had the same intensity in his eyes as the day when he came to have sex with me. I remembered the embarrassing night when I kicked him out of my shower, and came to a conclusion-i'll let him have me. I haven't had sex in a while and just hoped it wasn't the alcohol doing the thinking in my stead-I think it was,but, nevertheless, I stood up and said I needed fresh air- of cours meaning it as a hint for him to follow.

Which he did

When he came outside, I started walking towards the forest where I trained the other day, and he followed. I stopped near a tree and leaned on it.

„Change your mind, ne?"

„Yes." My voice was quivering.

„You want me to fuck you?"

Hearing him cuss like that at first surprised me, but then I realized it also made my panties dripping wet, so I just nodded.

„Are you using any contraceptives?"

Well, I don't have sex so..

„No."

„We can't do this then."

„What?!"

I sounded more desperate than I was supposed to.

„I don't have a condom. And I think pulling out only ruins the moment."

So he was experienced. Hm. I don't like it, but I also had sex before, so I won't be a hypocrite.

I approached him, and cautiously put my hands on his chest and started moving them down until I reached his crotch. He gave a little grunt.

„Ah, Sakura, no.."

I took that as a yes. I got a little bolder and put my hand in his pants. He then started kissing my neck. It felt like heaven. It is my erogenous spot after all. Soon, my neck led him to my mouth, and the initial kiss was superficial, like trying out what water feels like with a toe, and then it became as consuming as water after you leap into it, and I remember thinking.. I never want to resurface.

He lifted my dress and with his finger he pulled my panties to one side. He put his index and middle finger into me and I started moaning like an animal. I don't know if it was Sasuke or alcohol, but I couldn't-wouldn't control myself. I let go of all my boundaries and took the dress off completely. Soon after the panties,the bra followed, so I was only standing in my stilettos. Sasuke was taken aback by my behavior, but soon followed by stripping himself as well.

When we were both naked and ready, he kissed me, and then he turned me so I was facing away from him and leaning on the bark of the tree. He positioned himself and grabbed my ass with his left, and held my hands behind me with his right hand, and started to fuck. There is no better word to describe our act than 'fuck'. He was merciless and rough, there wasn't any feeling in it, except lust. I knew all of that, but it still felt so good. After a long celibate period, this was like heaven. The bark was scratching my nipples, which was somehow extremely pleasurable. My moans were louder and I panted like crazy, but Sasuke's breaths only deepened. He then turned me while lying on the ground.

„Come. Ride me."

And I did. The position worked very well for me and I came within the first minute. I was spent and couldn't move afterwards.

„Come on, baby, go on your arms and knees."

Baby? Interesting. That motivated me to do as he says.

„I want to fuck you in the ass so I can come in you. Can I?"

„What?!"

My ass? No.

„I guess that's a no."

„Just come in me, I'm not ovulating."

„You could have said so."

Alcohol, sorry.

I thought he was going to turn me around, but he started fucking me from behind. I felt like I haven't had sex before. I have never experienced these feelings before. He was very skilled and started to touch my clitoris after he saw I could come again. And so I did. After that I slumped on the ground and he fucked me in a position I like to call ' normal style', because I always have sex that way.

„I'm going to cum, Sakura."

„Okay."

And then he spilled into me. It was a weird feeling, having his semen in me. But I was drunk, everything was a bit peculiar at the time.

He kissed me after he recuperated a bit, and then lifted us both from the ground.

„Dress." He commanded and after we were done dressing he made an interesting proposal.

"We should do it again, you know."

I wanted to agree, but decided I was too drunk to make any kinds of promises.

„We'll see."

„Was there something dissatisfying about my performance."

He said that with a devilish smirk on his face.

„I am pleased, thank you."

„Thank you, Sakura."

I told him I'm gonna go home now, and he insisted on seeing me to my room.

„Do you want to come in for some tea or something?" I asked while looking for my room keys.

He gave me the 'I know what that means' look and simply turned around, waving, saying good night.

I, again, didn't sleep.

I woke up in the morning, and since I had nowhere to be, I stayed in the bed for an hour or so, thinking, now sober, about last night. And after replaying last night's events, I realized I still am in love. Also, I felt pretty hopeful about the prospect of a relationship with Sasuke. I don't know why, but I have a feeling it might mean something more to him than just sex. Or maybe it was wishful part of my brain doing thinking instead of the rational one. Only time will tell what are his intentions, as for me, I really hope that the fortune has smiled upon me after all those years of waiting for him. It really is amazing how long I have loved him, though I don't think I did love him in the genin days at first-it was infatuation. But after forest of death, I have somehow grown, and in retrospect, the pain his burdens caused me had been the first sign of childish crush growing into something more meaningful.

Over the next few days, we slept together every night. Carnal pleasures have really grown close to my heart, I must say. He would come around midnight and stay until 4-5 AM. He is gentle sometimes, but then, as if something shifts in his brain, he is back to his old cold self. Tonight, I want us to talk about our future. I think he really might come back, after all, it's time. He has been away long enough and the way he has been acting tells me he thinks the same. He is not that reserved and spends a lot of time with the old gang. For the first time in my life, I feel complete.

I just got out of shower when I saw Sasuke entering my room through the window.

„You're here early."

„I had some time on my hands. We can start the festivities sooner."

That smirk of his is my kryptonite, but I'm determined to talk first.

„Actually, I was thinking we talk about some things first."

„Fine. What is it?"

He closed the window, sat on my bed and started taking his sandals off.

„Are you coming back? To Konoha."

He stopped dead in tracks, and my heart sank. That's when I knew- he's not coming back.

„Oh. You should have said so, Sasuke. God, you are such an idiot."

By then, my sadness transformed into anger.

„You could have gone and fucked some stranger, you didn't have to do this to me."

I started going to the bathroom, but he stopped me by grabbing my arm.

„What are you talking about? I never said I'd go back. This was just sex, Sakura, lets's not pretend I was going to marry you or something."

That did it.

„Get out, Sasuke. „

„Sakura. It doesn't have to be this way. We had fun. You know I can't stay."

„No, you had fun. I love you, and you know that. I knew that you know that. I counted on it even. I thought 'hey, he wouldn't tease you, he knows you love him'."

„Your brain did this to you, not I. I never said I would stay, I never said I loved you."

This was too much. He has broken my heart so many times I don't think it is there anymore. I subconsciously think about how dead tissue dies off and is disintegrated and wonder will that happen to my heart after he's done

I'm going home in a few days, and after I'd come home, I'll pack my things and go travel the world, I think. Konoha will hold too many bad memories for me to stay, so I must go.

„Fine. We'll talk later."

„No. Just get out."

He tried getting close to me once more, but I went in to the bathroom and locked the door. I cried like a baby the entire night, I just couldn't stop. Realizing he didn't love me just hurt so SO much.

I avoided Sasuke as best as I could. He tried to talk to me on several occasions but I refused. I have once already broken a promise made to myself, I won't do it twice.

Today we depart for Konoha and I'm looking forward to going. I've checked out of my room at the inn and carried my bags to the carrier wagon. I saw the gang standing in a half-circle, and I went to join them, only to find they were saying goodbye to Sasuke.

I turned to go where I came from, but Sasuke teleported in front of me.

„Here. Read it when you come home."

He gave me a letter.

„Please, promise me that you will not read it until you are home."

„Fine."

I took the letter and put it in my bag, and with one last glance at Sasuke Uchiha, I turned around and started walking in the direction of home.

The journey had taken us a bit longer this time because some of the ANBU were badly hurt and we had to slow our pace for their sake. I kept thinking about the letter in my bag-what did he want me to know? What couldn't he have said in person? It was probably an apology and 'let's-be-friends' kind of letter. I opened it while climbing the stairs, and as I got it out of the envelope, I had a moment of hesitation. What if the truth was too much to bare? I held on to the letter for two weeks before summoning the courage to open it-I decided it's better to know the facts and move on with my life.

Dear Sakura,

There are many reasons why I can't come home, some of which are even classified, but I want to tell you some of the crucial ones. I hope you can then understand why we can't be together. I'm sorry for misleading you, I know what I have done and I apologize for it. I thought I had a chance of happiness for a moment, but in the back of my mind I always knew I had to leave you.

As for my reasons, I think you understand what my reputation is and can guess I have many enemies. Since I left Konoha, I was targeted by assassins more times than I can count. Having you beside me, or home waiting for me, would destroy my mind with worry. If something happened to you because of my mistakes, my past, my name-I would go mad.

Because all of that, I have decided not to marry nor have any children. I realize now that my clan is cursed and I am destined to be its final head. My goal now is to live out my days peacefully, not bringing trouble to you, or to Konoha.

I hope you realize the extent of my feelings for you.

Forever yours,

Sasuke Uchiha.

I read the letter again and again, drinking every word in. The mixture of grief and anger making my eyes sting. I didn't want to cry, but I finally relented. How could have he made that decision for me?! I started throwing my chairs around in anger. I couldn't leave it bottled up. I didn't know what to do. I felt betrayed, but most of all I regretted not wanting to talk to him face to face as he asked me to. Maybe I could have changed his mind- I knew he wouldn't go back, but nothing would have prevented me from going with him if he had said those words to me.

I had to tell someone, and since Ino left for another mission right after we came back, I went to Naruto's and Hinata's apartment.

Hinata answered the door after a few moments, clearly groggy from the nap she was obviously taking before I interrupted her.

„Sakura, what happened?"

„I.. It was Sasuke. Where is Naruto?"

Hinata moved so I could enter. Naruto was just rubbing his eyes when he saw me standing in the middle of his living-room, visibly shaken up.

„What's wrong, Sak?"

I gave him the letter, he opened it and read it, as well as Hinata. As I saw his eyes move down to the bottom of the page, I told him my decision.

„I have to go find him, Naruto."

...

„Okay. Pack your stuff, you depart immediately. He said he was headed north, towards Hidden cloud. Don't go by land, take a boat instead. Travelling alone is much safer by water. I'll deal with the council tomorrow."

„Thank you, Naruto!"

I disappeared that same second using my teleportation jutsu and appeared in front of my apartment door. It was a chakra consuming jutsu, but I'll compensate with a soldier pill.

It took me 3 minutes to pack my stuff and leave, and an hour to reach the shore. I took the boat I usually take when I go to get supplies for my ointments and medications. I hate travelling via boat because I always get sea sick-not the way Guy sensei does, but I have thrown up on a few occasions.

The weather was fine all four days of my travel, but none the less, I threw up quite a few times. I had some time to think about what I was going to do when I face Sasuke, what was I going to say, and also, what his reaction might be. Initially, I didn't want to form any kind of plans in my head- if you don't expect anything, you can't be hurt, but then I decided to just think of a few possible outcomes my venture might result in, so I can decide beforehand how I was going to react. You see, for an impulsive person like me, this technique makes sure you don't overreact and make a fool of yourself. After some pondering, I deducted there are two possible outcomes- either I would start travelling with Sasuke or go home and never turn back-he might care for me, but I don't beg.

I couldn't wait to find a place to spend the night in that wasn't rocking from side to side the entire time. It was dark when I exited the boat and hid it with a simple jutsu. My energy levels were dangerously low because I couldn't keep my soldier pills down. I hate to admit it, but Naruto was right- they are awful.

I walked slowly, enjoying the starlit scenery, when I heard the foliage rustle. Great, just what I needed to drain my chakra completely-a fight.

My senses must have been duller than I have thought, because before I knew it, there was a stone hand lifting me from the path, squeezing so tight I could barely breathe.

„Why is the apprentice of the slug queen sneaking into The Land of Lightning?"

„I'm not sneaking, my boat was carried off its course and I couldn't find the harbour afterwards."

The hand that held me loosened up its grip and I slid back on the dirt floor, barely supporting my own weight, the result of my drained chakra no doubt.

„Take her to the registry office, we'll send a message to the Raikage from there informing him of the new arrival."

We walked for 15 minutes when I saw a building that seemed to be bustling with life. All of those who wished to enter The Land of Lightning had to register first, so my chances of finding out if Sasuke had already come here were high.

A paper was shoved into my hands as soon as I entered the ugly, old building.

„Fill this up miss Haruno and then hand it over to the lady at the far back of the room. I'll go notify the Raikage of your arrival."

„Wait! Do you know, did Sasuke Uchiha come to The Land of Lightning by any chance?"

„No, I'm sorry. He didn't."

„Are you sure? You haven't checked."

„I think I would remember if one of the strongest shinobi to ever live came into my building. And trust me, skilled as he is, he wouldn't be able to enter without being noticed. He isn't in The Land of Lightning."

Although this did come as a disappointment, I wouldn't let my spirit be crushed. So he hasn't come yet. I'll wait. He'll show.

* * *

My Friend told me she found the sex scene weird, but I think Sasuke would fuck like that. He likes Sakura, but he doesn't show affection, it would feel weird if he were romantic.

There will be some fluff, but not too much :)


	2. I am who I am

After taking care of my business in the registry office, I was offered a complimentary room at a nearby inn as compliments of the Raikage. I gladly took the offer and also asked for a ride there seeing as I couldn't walk anymore. I felt like a crappy shinobi, barely survived a four days long voyage.

I skipped both shower and meal and went straight to bed. I was still weak and I had to get my strength up. How could I hope to accompany Sasuke on his trips so out of shape? I would start stamina training tomorrow and hope that it would prove efficient when- I should say IF I start my travels.

I woke up feeling worse than the previous day. I had a fever, soar throat and generally felt like shit. I couldn't move my head up from the pillow and it frustrated me to no end. I called room service and ordered some herbal tea, as well as toast. I really had to start eating, I haven't had a meal in days.

After I drank my tea and ate my toast, I decided to get up from the bed and stretch a little. My muscles were rigid and moving around really helped in relieving some of the tension.

Unfortunately, I discovered my limit was a 2 minute felt out-of-order recently and it affected my mental as well as physical health. The more I thought about it, the less confident I was Sasuke would be here. The guards told me so, at least. I went to bed and slept some more, and after I recovered a bit, I would go home. There is no sense in following Sasuke when I can't even speculate about his whereabouts.

When I woke up, I saw Sasuke's face. He stared at me with a disapproving look adorning his features, but I couldn't help noticing how they softened after I smiled at him.

„ Please tell me I'm not hallucinating."

„Why did you follow me, Sakura?"

„You gave me no choice, Sasuke."

He stood up and removed my covers only to slide in next to me. I was overwhelmed. He really was here, hugging me, holding me. I wanted to cry, but tears wouldn't come to my eyes, probably the result of dehydration.

„You are burning up, Sakura! Why don't you heal yourself?"

„I have no chakra left. It's just a cold. It'll pass."

„I don't think so. Your breathing is distorted. May I check using my sharingan?"

„You can see if I have pneumonia with your sharingan?"

I've known him for years and haven't had a slightest clue about that.

„ I already told you, these eyes see everything."

God, I missed that smirk.

He uncovered me, and I shivered with the cold. He activated his sharingan and looked at my chest. I blushed because, if he can see my lungs, well, he can see whatever he wants to.

„You don't like me prying underneath your clothes?"

„Are you trying to seduce a potentially dying girl?"

„You're not dying, your lungs look fine."

He dropped his gaze over to my abdomen and I tensed up. I knew what he was trying to do and I won't let him get to me, so I pushed the nagging voice yelling ' he's looking at your vagina' to the back of my head and once again looked at him.

He was pale and his mouth was agape.

„What's wrong? What did you see?"

„You're pregnant!"

For a moment, my heart stopped. I was shell-shocked. My mind was bombarded with thousands of questions and images, an overdrive-and then suddenly crashed. Blank.

It took me some time before I realized Sasuke's aura had darkened, his eyes started spinning red while his face was deformed in an angry expression.

„Sakura, is it mine?!"

He was shouting and I started trembling with fear. Never in my life have I seen him this infuriated as he was now.

He grabbed me by my throat and pushed me into bed. He wasn't gentle, but I had room for breathing none the less.

„Yes."

He released me and stood up.

„You will get rid of it. I will not father any children."

Those words shocked me even more. I didn't want his child, but I wanted mine. The child would be mine just as it would be his- I won't abort it.

„You cannot ask that of me. It's my child as well, Sasuke."

„Fine, then I'll do it for you."

Before I had time to react, he used his sharingan to put me to sleep. The last thing I remember was sheer panic and fear for my child's life. I would never forgive him for this. Never.

I woke up in a different room. I was still sick, so everything hurt and I wasn't able to tell if everything was alright with me. I needed to know what he had done, but the room seemed empty. The curtains covering the windows were familiar, and so was my bedding. It was a different room, but the same hotel. I'm guessing he has taken me somewhere and returned me afterwards.

I had so little chakra, but I had to know what happened. I invited green chakra to my hands and placed them on my abdomen.

At first I felt nothing, but then.. I felt a heartbeat. Very, very faint. But there, still.

„I couldn't do it."

I heard him from the back of the room. He sat in a dark corner, brooding no doubt.

„I won't have anything to do with him. No one will know the baby is mine. I made some arrangements. You will go back to the village with a man called Akemi and tell everyone he is the father of the child. When the time comes and he awakens his sharingan, you will blind him. You are a medic, figure how to do it painlessly, I don't care."

I couldn't listen to him anymore.

„I will do no such thing."

„I am protecting the child, for God's sake. Being an Uchiha today is a curse. He will be much happier blind than he would be with me as a father."

We were now shouting at each other.

„I won't do it. I won't go back to Konoha. No one will know. I've decided I would go travel the world anyway, and when the time for the child to be born comes, I'll settle down in a nice, quiet village. As for his sharingan, I won't let him train to become a ninja, so he might not ever awaken them, but if he does, I agree to blind him."

He was quiet for a while, weighing his options.

„Fine."

„Thank you."

It was a stupid thing to thank him for that, but I had a need to do so. He then turned and left, leaving me in a hotel, sick and pregnant, all out of chakra.

It took me a week to get healthy again. I wondered where I was going to go next when I remembered a village in The Land of Rivers where we had one of our D ranked missions as genin. The village was peaceful and occupied by civilians-no shinobi. The people were very kind, mostly farmers if I remember correctly. I'm sure I could get a job there as a doctor, and the baby would have a nice future there as well. We would escape all the fights and ill faiths. It somehow felt as a rebirth, a new, fresh start.

I tried not to think about what happened with Sasuke. The mixture of anger and sadness turmoiled in me for a few days. I wasn't able to understand what having a baby ment to him-I could see it was making him angry but I couldn't understand why. In his letter to me, he did mention he didn't want any children, but I never thought he was so appalled by the idea.

His reaction cast a shadow over such a joyful thing as pregnancy, and although I know we might have ended up together if it hadn't come to this, I had no regrets. I always wanted children and my love for Sasuke might not have been enough to make me give up on the idea of maternity. I looked forward to building a nest for myself and my child, looked forward to, hopefully, new, better life.

I was already four months pregnant when I came to my destined village situated in The Land of River. I have sent word to Naruto that would hopefully put his mind at ease.

Dear Naruto,

I have managed to find Sasuke, and he once again rejected me. I thought about what I was going to do, and decided my faith is somewhere far away from Konoha. I know you understand and don't even try changing my mind. I will send letters every so often so you know I'm alive and well. I hope our paths meet again someday. Give my best to Hinata and I hope you will be half as good a parent as you are a friend.

I will never forget you nor Konoha, but I can't come back.

Love,

Sakura H.

P.S. This is also a letter of resignation, both from shinobi and hospital duty.

His reply had me in tears.

Dearest Sak,

Your departure hurts me, but know you will always find a friend in me. I know we will meet again, after all, you are my best friend. You know I strongly believe in karma, so a beautiful, loving, selfless person such as yourself must deserve all the happiness in the world.

Nor Konoha nor I will ever forget you.

Your friend, always and forever,

Naruto

* * *

The village was quiet, residents delightful, and the landscape spectacular. I rented out a cottage at the outskirts of the village where I had access to a beautiful river that poured itself in a nearby lake. My baby bump was slowly starting to show and I checked on my baby on a weekly basis. Determining sex with medic chakra wasn't possible and the anticipation was killing me. I remembered how my mother used to say 'It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, as long as he or she is healthy', and I couldn't have agreed more. But still.

I thought about what name to give the baby, and decided that it would be Reina or Sarada for a girl and a boy would be Kizashi, after my father. My parents died during the Fourth Shinobi World War as most of the people residing there during the attack of Ten Tails. It took some time getting used to living and being alone, of course Naruto was a big support and actually got me through all of that. I missed him every day more so.

I hate to admit it, but I missed Sasuke as well. I dreamt of him almost every night, and carrying his child in me was a constant reminder, no doubt. Having no obligations left a lot of time to think, and almost all of my focus was spent on coming up with a scenario where Sasuke would come back normal, excepting of his child. It was too much to ask, I knew, but sometimes it was so lonely being here all by my self. Things will change after I give birth. I plan on working in a nearby hospital when the baby will be big enough to go to kindergarten. The hospital isn't big or anything, but they were pretty excited when I told them I have the ability to use medical ninjutsu.

Until my baby comes, I'll just have to deal with the loneliness.

Days were going by slowly. Most of the day I had nothing to do. I walked in the morning and in the evening to help me build my stamina for birth, although I wasn't walking as much lately because of snow.

I went through my daily routine of breathing exercises when I felt a sharp pain spreading through my abdomen. I summoned green chakra to my hands and checked, praying to god it wasn't a contraction- I was only 7 and a half months pregnant and the snow had fallen 50 inches deep. I was like a walrus, there was no way I could get to the hospital like this, but it appeared I would have to, because it was a contraction. There was no room for panicking now, it is what it is.

I got my emergency backpack ready since I was 6 months pregnant, so that was checked. I only needed to put layers of clothes on me and get moving, it's half an hour walk to the hospital and the temperature was getting lower as it got darker. It was 4:17 pm, and by 5:00 pm it would be completely dark. I had to get a move on.

Walk to the hospital was much harder than I thought. Wind was blowing snow in my face the entire time, making it hard for me to see where I was walking. I had to stop 5 times to rest and suffer through my contractions. They were now more frequent, and that was not good.

I finally managed to get to the hospital when my water broke. I told the doctors everything they needed to know using my medic ninjutsu-the baby was correctly positioned, his heartbeat was steady, I was 8 centimeters dilated, they only needed to wait another hour or so for me to open up fully so I can push this child out and be done with my misery. After I deliver the baby, they will put him or her in an incubator until I replenish my chakra enough so I can start working on his underdeveloped lungs. I can sense the child is healthy although premature.

In my mind, I started freaking out. I wondered what it was going to be like, seeing her for the first time after waiting so long. From this day forward, I will be a mother.

The thought was as beautiful as it was terrifying, though I guess I would be more confident if Sasuke was here.

But he wasn't, and will never be, and I felt.. Okay. I could do this, I didn't know how, but I was about to find out.

After about two hours, my daughter Sarada was born. She was a beautiful, black haired bundle of joy. I couldn't describe the feeling of seeing her in my arms even if I wanted to-some things in life you can only perceive by experiencing them. I was overwhelmed and couldn't stop crying- was it the joy of having a beautiful, healthy baby or sadness because she will never have a father to look out for her and to stand next to me, I didn't know. I just cried.

After 5 days, we went home. She was a restless baby, never sleeping, always crying. I couldn't get more than 4 hours of sleep per night. I wondered if all babies were like this or only Uchihas-probably the latter. Never the less, I managed. Soldier pills, although disgusting, really kept my energy up, I couldn't have done anything if it werent for them.

I thought the crying would stop as she got older, but it didn't. I felt terrible. She wouldn't eat or sleep, merely kept on crying. I took her to the hospital and they said what I've already determined-she was healthy and nothing seemed to be wrong. One of the doctors there told me her boys were both like that and that it stopped when they were about 6 months old- they are just fussy babies, there is no helping it.

Back at home she was again crying like crazy, and I couldn't take it anymore so I started crying as well, only my cries turned into sobs and emotional breakdown. I put her in a crib while I slumped to the floor, letting all my sadness out. I remembered Sasuke and it made me cry even harder.

Why did he have to be such a jerk? I couldn't believe he would be so cold-hearted towards us, his family. Did he even wonder about his child? He probably felt, as always, indifferent.

Soon I felt myself getting drowsy and let myself sleep just a bit..

Something was wrong. I woke up with a start, looking around me for any sign of distress. I could feel a change, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Sarada.. Silence.

She wasn't crying!

I got out of an armchair where I was sleeping and towards her crib, when I saw her sleeping in Sasuke's arms. He looked at me impassively and turned his face back to Sarada.

„I thought she wouldn't be born for another month or so."

„She was premature."

My instincts told me to smash his head in and take Sarada away from him. His intentions didn't seem ill willed, but the mother in me kept on replaying his words in my head-

„You will get rid of it. I will not father any children."

„I can see. He is very small. But don't worry, both Itachi and I were premature, I presume it's normal for Uchiha children."

I wasn't worried, I did regular checks on him, if he would eat, he would progress much faster, but he was far from malnourished or starved anyway, so I guess it's fine.

„What are you doing here, Sasuke."

„I came to see you. I didn't expect her."

He never looked away from our daughter. I could see he was shocked, but not by Sarada, but his feelings towards her. It was his child, the heiress of the Uchiha clan.

„What did you want from me?"

He then looked up.

„To apologize. I behaved unforgivably and I'm sorry. I was shocked at the news, I don't know what came over me. „

His words seemed sincere, he had no reason for lying, but I wasn't going to forgive him. I've accepted the fact that he will not be in our lives and that's that.

„I'm sorry Sasuke, but I don't accept your apology. As far as I'm concerned, you are not, nor will ever be a part of our family."

I got up and took Sarada from him-he didn't resist while handing her over to me, but I sensed his reluctance. We just stood there, first in silence, and then our daughter broke the silence by crying. I tried calming her down but she wouldn't stop even after half an hour. Sasuke remained quiet in his spot. I was so tired and exhausted, I hated him for coming here, for disturbing my balance. What did he hope to achieve?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Sasuke wanted to take the baby, and I let him.

Sarada stopped crying right after he took her from me. My frustration got the better of me and I started crying. I couldn't hold the tears back-I was tired of holding back. How come I, her mother, couldn't calm her down, and a person who wanted to kill her needed only to take her in his hands to do it?

We didn't say anything for the longest time.

After Sarada fell asleep, he put her in the crib and sat next to me.

Judging by the state of his clothes, he's been traveling a lot. His hands were scarred and rough, his hair longer than ever.

„Would you like to take a bath?"

„I don't want to impose."

„Look, you are already here. Take a bath, I'll cut that overgrown hair, you'll eat, spend the night on the floor and be gone before I wake up tomorrow."

„I'll take a bath, eat and go right after. I cut my own hair."

„Fine."

He went to the bathroom while I went into the kitchen to make him some rice balls and tomato salad on the side. So, I would once again watch him leave. I was so tired of doing that.

Bathroom door opened, and when I looked in that direction, Sasuke was standing in the doorway, drying hair with a towel, wearing only his black pants. I stared for a minute, not realizing it. He cleared his throat and I was suddenly aware of what I was doing. I put a plate containing rice balls and tomatoes on a table for him, and I only had the rice balls.

„I didn't think you'd have tomatoes in your house. When did you start liking them?"

„Actually, they were one of the cravings during my pregnancy. The child is yours, alright."

That made him chuckle, and I also couldn't keep a straight face. After that, we didn't talk, although I kept on looking at his naked upper half. His body was gorgeous, but his face was even more so. I loved watching how his jaw moved as he chewed on his rice ball.

„See something you like, Sakura?"

This made me eek and blush. It was a foolish reaction, I know, but to tell the truth, I haven't interacted with a man I found sexually attractive since Sarada was conceived, so naturally, I was a bit jumpy. In an attempt to distract myself from his gaze, I stood up and began clearing out the table. When I was done, I turned around only to find Sasuke standing right behind me.

„What are you doing?"

„What you want me to do, but are too afraid to voice it out."

„No, Sasuke. „

He put his hands on my waist and started moving them up, massaging my stomach gently as he went on all the way to my breasts. He moved on to them, started to knead them-gently at first, and then roughly. I threw my head back. It felt so good being touched. I felt like I was close to an orgasm, and he was only touching my bosom. Something wet was on my throat and the pleasure increased tenfold. He was skilled with his tongue. I was so turned on I couldn't say no to his ministrations. As if he could feel my resolve melting into nothing, he took my shirt off, and then my pants along with panties. It all happened in a second, and I was left standing naked in the middle of a kitchen. We started kissing after that while I worked on getting his pants off.

„ Have you learned your lesson and started using birth control?"

He said between kisses.

„Actually, yes."

Yes, I started drinking herbal tea which prevents the ovaries from producing eggs.

„Good. Spread your legs, baby."

And I did.

„Okay, now grab my cock and go up and down with your hand."

He started fingering me and I pumped his cock in response.

The pleasure was so immense. I moaned softly at first, but that didn't seem to satisfy him, so he started to go faster and faster until I came, spluttering my juices on his hand.

I looked over to the crib to see if our carnal activities have woken Sarada up.

„She's sleeping, relax. I'm keeping an eye on her."

It was so nice to hear those words. I wasn't alone, I had some support.

„Thank you, Sasuke."

We started kissing almost violently, drinking each other in. He laid me on a table and spread my legs as far as he could, holding my stomach with his right and my fondling my breasts with his left hand and entered me. It was slow at first, but soon he started banging violently into me. He fucked like a god.

I came very soon after we started.

„Hold on Sak, I've just begun."

We had sex for almost an hour when he finally came so we couldn't do more than collapse near the fireplace in exhaustion.

Sleep was such a wonderful thing. Being without it has brought out my worst self, but now I'm all rested, chakra levels full- one breakfast away from being at full capacity. The best thing about being a ninja is recovery time. One day you're near death, the other fighting as if nothing happened.

I got up and went to check on Sarada when I heard rustling from the bathroom. I entered and saw the most ridiculous scene ever- Sasuke changing diapers using his Susanoo arms. He was standing on the opposite side of the dressing table where he laid the baby, a grimace on his face as he struggled to get the pin out of the diaper.

I laughed for twenty minutes before I found the composure to do the job myself.

After I was done, I took Sarada and started to breastfeed her.

„I took me half an hour to get just the one pin out."

He said while holding up a pin in his hand, still pale from his diaper changing attempt.

„It would've been faster if you used your actual hands.."

„I know, but she just.. Smelled so bad."

I started laughing again and this time, Sasuke chuckled as well.

„I haven't laughed in so long. My abs hurt."

Sarada fell asleep while feeding, so I put her in the crib.

„You should probably start training again."

I shot him the 'you trying to say I'm fat?' look.

„I didn't mean it like that.. I just thought you wanted to train while I keep an eye on our baby."

He was trying to be nice, but it made me angry. He can't do this again.

„You cannot stay for a while and leave as you will, Sasuke. You either go today or never."

He looked as if he was torn. It came as a shock to him- I bet he didn't think he'd have to choose so soon.

„Tell you what. Sarada and I will go to the village today to get some groceries. You leave then if you want to."

I came closer and put my hands on his chest.

„But if you stay, you stay for good. You stay to live with us in peace, get a normal job, celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. No more fighting. No more destiny. No more clan bullshit. Just us."

He tried to speak, but I interrupted him.

„I'm not done. I don't want to know your decision. I don't want to help you or have any kind of influence on your decisions. Also, I will not watch you walk away again, so make sure you go before we come back. „

With that said, I turned around and went for a shower.

Sarada and I just left the house. After I got out of the shower, I caught Sasuke looking at her crib with a painful grimace. I know he's going to leave us and that's fine. The things I asked of him were harsh, they meant complete change of life as he knows it. I can't let myself be sad or devastated- after all, I was responsible for more than one person now.

It took us two hours to get what we needed. It would normally take me half an hour to do all of regular chores, but I stalled deliberately.

The house was empty when I entered. I was not surprised, but I felt devastated. After allowing myself half an hour of toddler like crying, I went back to my routine as if nothing happened. Wallowing in self-pitty never helped anyone so I was pretty sure it wouldn't help me.

Sarada started being moody soon after we came back home. I guess she must have missed Sasuke as well.

6 months later...

A messenger hawk woke me up much earlier than I'm used to. He stood at the window pecking it's glass. It took some time for me to register what was going on, and then it hit me- nobody knew where I lived. I reported back to Naruto every few months or so, but other than that I had no contact with anyone. It couldn't have been someone from the village because the hawk was clearly a messenger of a shinobi.

I got up and took the letter from its beak and it stayed there, clearly being instructed to wait for my reply.

The letter was from Sasuke.

His handwriting formed a lump in my throat. I haven't been thinking about him lately, so this came as a bit of a shock. It took me some time before I opened sand started reading it.

Sakura,

The past few months have been a torture. I can't stop thinking about my daughter and her safety after I met a ninja that congratulated me on becoming a father. I looked into his memories using my sharingan, and as it turns out, he heard from an old man residing in another village near yours that the Uchiha Sasuke had been staying with a woman and a child.

I put you both at risk and I shouldn't have done that.I talked to Naruto, and you are both going back to Konoha. I'm coming to get you the day after tomorrow so be ready.

Sasuke U.

As on cue, Sarada started crying from her crib, meaning she woke up and needed to be fed. She grew so much since he left I was sure he wouldn't recognize her. She was all his- her hair, her eyes, the way her eyebrows were shaped, and still she resembled me in a way. Maybe it was the shape of her face. In any case, she was beautiful, even with her brooding attitude-a trade she also picked up from her father.

The hawk pecked the windowsill as if to remind me he is awaiting my answer.

I had no idea what I was going to do. Although I didn't appreciate his commanding tone throughout the letter, I knew he had Sarada's best interest at heart.

I kept on thinking about if for a few minutes. Was he so doubtful of my abilities to think I couldn't protect her well enough? We didn't even know if someone wanted to harm her, but he just assumed I couldn't manage. If he wanted us safe, I would make sure no one ever finds us- not even him.

I put Sarada in her crib and started to pack quickly. It was mostly necessities and food. Then, I sat down to write up a reply.

Sasuke,

We won't be doing any of that.

Love, Sakura.

It was short and sure to make him go berserk, and since I didn't know where he was at the time, I had to move fast.

Sasuke was at one point an S class criminal. He knows all the tricks of hiding and tracking there are, so I had to be extra careful to hide the general direction in which I headed- and I didn't know where that was yet. The night started to catch on to us and I took Sarada in a cave upon which I cast a genjutsu spell. The spell was special because it was almost undetectable-unless you looked for it. I sure hoped Sasuke didn't know I knew that spell.

It was summer, so luckily, there was no need for fire. I breastfed Sarada and I myself ate a rice ball.

My eyes were starting to droop when I heard an explosion outside the cave- my booby trap. Sarada immediately started to cry and I took her and started to run toward my alternative exit. I could sense Sasuke's chakra and it was filled with rage. When Sasuke gets like that, he resembles Naruto in nine tails cloak- unable to control himself, so I was more than scared, I was terrified.

I exited the cave and headed for the forest. I ran for a few minutes before I slipped on a damp branch and fell to the forest floor. After I checked there was nothing wrong with Sarada except being afraid, the rustling of the leaves signaled we weren't alone anymore. He caught up to us.

„Are you insane, Sakura?!"

I remained silent, trying to calm Sarada. He was right, this whole situation was insane, but I just wanted to be able to control my own life.

„I'm taking Sarada."

„You can fucking try."

I will rip his neck if he so much as comes near her.

„Then stop acting like you are her junior and start taking care of her! You could have gotten her killed. And yourself. Did it ever occur to you to think what kind of people are after me? I'm taking you back to Konoha willingly or not, I don't care."

His words hurt me, but he was right. I was bent out of shape with the whole situation but the fact was, I couldn't protect Sarada. I'll just have to swallow my pride, for her.

I accepted my faith and started to go north, and Sasuke followed.

After 8 hours of walking we camped in a cave.

„I'll take the first watch. Go to sleep."

„I want to wash Sarada first. She has sensitive skin and we've been going through dirt all day."

„Fine. We will all go."

It would seem he doesn't trust me anymore. I had no intention of running away anymore- there was no point, he would just catch me again.

There was a creek about half a mile from the cave. The water looked so alluring and nice, so I took both mine and Saradas clothes off and went in. Sasuke said he would go around the corner so we could have some privacy, not that he hasn't seen me naked before.

My mood immediately went up as I saw my daughter smile at the feel of water cooling her, rinsing off the dirt. We enjoyed for twenty minutes until I saw something that almost made me faint- heading towards us was the biggest snake I have ever seen that was not a summoned snake like Manda. I didn't know what to do so I screamed.

Sasuke appeared near us in a blink of an eye and got us out. My limbs seemed to have a mind of their own because I couldn't stop shaking.

„Calm down, it wasn't very poisonous."

„Very?!"

He smiled and went to pick Sarada up from my lap. I was naked and she was the only cover I had.

„Could you please give me something for cover first."

My voice sounded so small and fragile. He only nodded, disappeared and appeared in the same second, holding his cape in his hands. He wore only his pants, the ones that were very hard to unbutton as I recall.

The walk back to our cave was silent and beautiful. We were surrounded by moonlit trees and the only sound we could hear was of animal origin. If I were alone, I would be scared, but since Sasuke was there with me, I was able to enjoy the picturesque scenery.

When we came to our destination, Sarada was already asleep, so Sasuke put her down on some clothes and covered her with a blanket. All this time I walked painfully aware of my nakedness, but somehow, I didn't want to put my clothes back on. They were dirty and needed cleaning while I, on the other hand, was fresh and scrubbed.

„Do you have any spare clothes, Sasuke? I'll go back to the creek and wash mine and Sarada's, so I'll need your stuff until like, tomorrow."

I fumbled my thumbs. It was awkward begging for clothes.

„What's wrong with the cape you are wearing now?"

I looked at him startled until I realised he was only teasing me.

„ A cape does not equal a shirt or pants."

„Maybe to you. In my eyes, you are just as dressed as I am."

Was he serious?

„Wait, are you really not going to give me some of your spare clothes? What about pants? You could just give me pants."

„Okay."

Well, at least I won't be butt naked.

As he started to speak, he got up and headed toward me.

„You should know.."

He got behind me and kneeled, then whispered in my ear.

„I expect you to give me my cape back in return for pants."

Being a mother was hard on me. Firstly, Sarada was a restless child, barely sleeping, always crying. Secondly, I was alone- I took care of her, did our shopping, fixing broken things around and in house, getting wood for the cottage we were staying at- all by myself. Having to do all of that barely left any time to even sleep, let alone think. So I haven't been thinking about Sasuke or anyone else in a sexual way and maybe if I had, maybe if pleasured myself from time to time, maybe I wouldn't be so desperate for release in that moment.

„As you wish."

I was very bold and took off the cape slowly, letting him see each breast individually at first, and then both at the same time. Although his face was seemingly unemotional, I could see his breathing became more shallow, his pulse increased and his pupils dilated. When the cape hit the ground, I held out my hand out to him.

„Your pants, please."

"I have no spare pants."

„That's okay. I like the ones you are wearing."

That caught him by surprise. His smirk was the thing I missed most about him. It changed his emotion-free face to something humaly- it almost felt like he was capable of feeling emotions besides anger and annoyance.

„Playful, aren't we?"

I smirked back.

He took his pants off and, to my shock, the shirt as well and answered my wide-eyed look.

„We know where this is leading Sakura, I might as well get naked right away. „

I was really afraid of waking up Sarada by that point. We were going to have sex and she was older now, so I wouldn't be very pleased if she saw us.

„Okay, but let's do it quickly now that Sarada's asleep."

I looked for a spot where we could have sex when Sasuke came next to me and started kissing my neck.

„I don't want to do it quickly. We haven't seen each other in months, I've missed you."

I just wanted to have sex at first, but now I know it would never be just that. His word angered me. He didn't have to be away from me, from us.

„You did not just say that. After you left, I cried like a little baby! You broke my heart, and this wasn't the first time, but I realised something- it will be the last time. „

„Yes, Sakura. I have no more intention of breaking your heart. I want to marry you."

My mind went blank. How could he have said that all of a sudden?

I stood there for a few minutes before I draped his cape around me and walked out of the cave.

„Will you marry me, Sakura?"

He dressed as well, thank god.

„What do you want me to say. We've been playing cat and mouse for some time now, and to be honest, I never felt that something from you. I can see it with Naruto when he looks at Hinata. His features soften, his eyes glisten and even his attitude changes. He becomes more gentle and considerate. Sasuke, the only time I felt connected to you was when you held Sarada. I don't want my marriage to be built around a child. I'm guessing you know the answer to your question by now."

„No. Say it."

I looked him in the eye.

„I don't want you."

„Liar."

He started laughing.

„That was the most unconvincing lie I have ever heard."

His laughter grew in strength, volume and length. He really knew how to push my buttons.

„Why are you laughing you jerk! I don't want you. Stop laughing!"

He didn't stop and it made my blood boil with anger, so I pumped my fist with chakra and punched towards him. My fist missed completely because he reappeared behind me, never ceasing his laughter.

„Sakura... Stop lying to yourself."

„Fine, you son of a bitch. I love you. But I will never be with you because you don't love me. I was never the problem- you were."

He went silent and stayed that way for some time. Maybe I went a bit too far. He turned to look at the moon and started talking.

„I have no personal belongings. Having to spend all your life traveling from one place to another does not make it practical. The things you see on me are the only clothes I've got- no spares. Besides that, I carry a small satchel of coins, my katana and something else. „

He went under his shirt and got a small piece of paper out.

„I'll be inside with our daughter."

He handed me the paper. It was a picture. My picture. I loved that one and used it on almost every document I owned. It didn't take me long to figure out it was from my missing ID from tournament. The fact that he kept it shook me up pretty badly. I didn't know what to think anymore, even though I was sure I knew everything there is to know about our relationship – that is, until now. I needed to get some answers so I went to the cave and when I got there I sat opposite to him.

„Why did you keep it?"

„It's a complicated story."

„We have time."

He looked over at sleeping Sarada and then again at me.

„Ever since we were genin I felt drawn to you. I didn't realize it at first, but it was as if my body's reactions to your touches and your words were so.. Natural. I hated being touched and looked at, but with you, I didn't even notice it. It was a normal thing for us, and that was not normal for me. Then I only had one goal and having connections would only make me weak. The night I went to Orochimaru.. You almost made me stay. I almost turned around and went back home."

He stopped there so I can absorb all those facts and continued after a few moments.

„I forgot about our connection... but I was reminded when we met again for the first time after my departure in an old lair of Orochimaru's. You were a grown woman- a beautiful one at that, but those eyes were twelve years old, begging me to stay. You didn't notice it, but seeing Naruto and you, made me doubt in my cause more than ever. That's when I decided to kill Orochimaru. That's when I decided to have a life after I kill Itachi and even then I knew it would be you with whom I would spend my whole life with. Having said that, I started to doubt everything after I found out the truth about the Uchiha massacre. It seemed to me that the Uchiha are cursed and I really wanted to believe otherwise-even after the war when I saw what Madara and Obito did, but with time I realised it would be for the best if the clan ended with me. I don't think I was in love with you at that period, you were simply there and it would seem an obvious choice, but when I saw you fight at the tournament I could barely recognize you. The strength, the determination, the skill- I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I think it's then that I fell in love. I tried to get away but I couldn't. Sarada was a breaking point for me. I felt an avalanche of emotions when I saw her and the only way I know how to deal with them is by ignoring them. I won't do that anymore if you give me a chance."

I was speechless for half and hour.I tried to mull over his words, but my mind was simply blank-that seemed to happen a lot. He was honest, I knew he was, but I wasn't sure it will be enough.

„I don't know, Sasuke. If it were just me, I wouldn't hesitate to give you another chance, but I have to think about Sarada as well, so I'm asking you to guarantee never to leave us. Swear on your life, on yours and Naruto's friendship- anything that matters the most. We need to know you are here to stay."

„I can't. I will leave you, but not because I want to. I have a debt to repay to the shinobi world and a lot of obligations. There will be times when I'll be missing for years and it will be hard for everyone, but I can promise you I will never stop loving you nor Sarada. I will carry you in my heart wherever I go."

It was just so much to take in. My cheeks were soaked with tears and I wasn't sure of what to do.

„I can't give you my answer now. When we get back to the Leaf, I'll tell you then."

The rest of the journey went by smoothly. We didn't talk about his offer anymore, but talked none the less. After he opened up, he was more relaxed and it changed our relationship for better. He even kissed me one night when we were bathing Sarada.

I was very nervous about everyone finding out about Sasuke and me, and of course, Sarada. As far as I knew, only Naruto was aware of our current situation and I dreaded the return, the questions...

Sasuke seemed fine to me, not nervous at all.

„Sasuke, what do you think people will say after they find out about everything?"

He stopped walking.

„Let's go rest at a nearby lake. You can wash Sarada so she isn't that hot anymore."

„Sure."

The lake wasn't very big, but it seemed clean enough. I took my clothes off and undressed Sarada as well- I wasn't completely naked, I had my shorts and chest bindings on. It was so hot this time of year even the water wasn't as cool as I would have liked, but it was actually better for Sarada this way, she was very little still. Looking at her made me think of how much time had passed since Sasuke and I reunited at the tournament. She is now six, almost seven months old and with every passing day she looked more like Sasuke. Even if I do decide not to be with him, I will have a constant reminder of what happened-our daughter. I wondered if she would awaken sharingan. I had a feeling she would though I would much prefer if she didn't.

„I don't care what they will think."

Sasuke broke the silence and interrupted my train of thoughts by answering my question from before.

„I don't either, it's just.. I don't want anyone to get the wrong picture about us."

„What do you mean?"

I exited the lake and laid Sarada on a blanket to dry her off while I wondered if I should tell him of my fears or not.

„Well.. I don't want anyone to think you are using me as a means to restore your clan and... For me to think I'm a stupid, head-over-heels in love little girl who is willing to do anything for you."

The words were hard to say because I myself didn't know if they were the truth or not. I'm in love, and often when people are like that, they don't see if they are being used.

„They will have no reason to think so. We'll get married and live together, raising our daughter just as any other couple. With time, they will see we are real."

It was so out of character for him to say such things. He tried keeping a nonchalant appearance but I could see he was a bit disturbed after saying those words.

„I never said yes to a proposal."

I teased.

„Oh, but you will."

He said with a lovely smirk.

We soon packed and headed home. In no time, we would arrive and then the real challenge would begin.

It was around noon when we entered the village. Everyone stared at us like they've seen a ghost, but most of them stared at our daughter.

Sasuke saw my discomfort and put a hand around my waist to guide me to the Hokage tower. His move almost made eyes pop out of some people's heads. Sarada didn't seem oblivious to the stares either so she started fidgeting and eventually crying. At one point, Sasuke took her in his arms to cover her with a cloak from hungry eyes. It was such an awful feeling walking down this street. I felt their eyes on me, and understood the look they were giving me- whore.

They supposed we were not married, and for an unmarried girl to have a child, well, let's just say she was as good as dead to her clan or family. They were all thinking that.

When we finally arrived at the tower, I started crying like crazy. Never in my life have I felt so humiliated and unwanted. Sasuke put a hand on my shoulder.

„Sakura, let's go see Naruto."

I nodded and started walking behind him. No one disturbed us on our way to Naruto's office and when we entered, only Naruto was there. He got up and came to us, all the time looking at Sarada in Sasuke's arms.

„Teme, I can't believe you made something this beautiful."

He then turned his gaze to me.

„Congrats, Sakura-chan. She is wonderful."

He then gave me a warm, loving hug that comforted me, but when he moved away, his face was sullen.

„Soon, everyone will know. You know how the village can be so I advise you two to get married."

Before I could say anything, Sasuke spoke.

„Can you do it now? I have the rings."

„What?"

I didn't know he had the rings. And what?!

„Sakura, stop being irrational. You know it's the right thing to do."

He leaned in and kissed me. After we broke apart, he had that look.. It's hard to describe. It was as if he was pleading for me to say yes and just marry him and at the sam time letting me know that it's okay if I say no.

„Yes."

The words just escaped my mouth. It was an old trick, stop thinking and just say the first thing that comes to your mind.

Sasuke smiled and put Sarada down on a sofa, surrounding her with pillows so she couldn't fall. He took my hand and we walked to the front of Naruto's desk while he went behind it.

„Guys, I knew this day would come. I know it's not a custom, but I would like to say a few words if you don't mind."

„Go ahead, absolutely. " Sasuke gave him his permission.

„Thanks. Well, what I wanted to say is that ever since we were genin I saw something between the two of you. Although I did share a deeper bond with Sasuke because we knew each others pain, Sakura, you were the one he let his guard down in front of. I remember the day of the battle with Orochimaru. Sasuke was so angry that I beat Orochimaru and not him, at least that's what I thought. But then I realised it's not true. He was angry because I was able to protect you, Sakura, and not him. It took me years to figure that one out. In any case, I knew it couldn't have been any other way and I'm glad the both of you understand what I knew all along."

The speech was very emotional and by the end of the ceremony, all three of us were crying. Sasuke only let a few tears drop while Naruto cried a river.

After few days everything settled. The villagers saw we got married and the whole scandal was behind us. Sasuke had to leave when Sarada was about a year old and didn't come back until she was about 6, but we often met outside the village in an old abandoned house. He said he didn't want to come to the village, if he saw our daughter again he wouldn't be able to go back to his mission, and it would only upset her was hard, but we truly loved each other so we bore through it as best as we could. After some time, when we were about 40, Sasuke and I left the village for good with Naruto and Hinata. We travelled the world, leaving the village in capable hands of our daughter, the eighth Hokage and her right hand- Boruto, Naruto's and Hinata's son.

* * *

Well, this is the end. I hope you liked it. I can't say I'm pleased with this, but, unfortunately, I have no time to work on it some more.

I would appreciate if you left your comments about this chapter, and story in general. So please, if you are reading this, i hope you do! If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me anything!

Much love,

Gracessecret

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